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Wednesday, August 30, 2006
6:02 PM
sometimes i wonder why i constantly lie to myself. saying that everything will turn out fin when it just won't because there's still you.there are times when i wonder why i even put it all up. i wonder why i hold on so tight. and i tell myself that it's foolish.. but somehow. it never changes.
you're the popular one. and it'll never change.. i'll always end up one level lower than you are. no matter how hard i try.
and the feeling your eyes give me. are just so hurting that i think i can never live with myself again.
so i keep quiet and listen to the laughter of the rest around me. the laughter i thought i would be joining in. the laughter i thought would be heard from my own mouth.
somehow people tend to care more about you. and at times i can get jealous. jealous of why it's you that they're caring about. not me. they say the humans are selfish and i couldn't agree more.
i just wish that sometime i could be you instead.
and when i really become you. you become an even stronger you. when what you do i do in return. it's never right.
when i say something you take every chance to prove me wrong. and at times i get on your nerves. you've asked me if i've wondered why. but i never got an answer.
so i'm wondering now.. wondering with my heart. wondering why the hell i'm stuck in this damn life living in a world i hate.
that no matter what i do is wrong. and whatever you do is right. if i prove you wrong you're just making a mistake. if i'm wrong. i'm the world's greatest idiot. if i'm in a bad mood. i'm a bitch. if you are "nobody's perfect".
i know i'm far from that. and i may seem to have no goal in life. but i just want to be accepted.
i'm a weird person. what can i say.
i have smaller eyes than others. what can i say.
i seem more perverted than others but that's the only way i get people to notice me. yes. attention seeking. what can i say.
i seem to be more boyish than others. but everytime i wanna change it just goes poof. what can i say.
i don't have a bunch of suitors wanting to succumb to my every wish. i'm not beautiful. what can i say.
all i can say is that i'm a lonely solitude desperate crazy unaccepted bitch.
because i'm sure. that's what's rolling on inside your head.
K-LOVE
notsoSUNNILY and one of these days when i go berserk,
you better hope that i don't have a knife with me.